Obsession
by Saturn's Spawn
Summary: Never, EVER, read the dictionary if you’re a demented, insane, and possibly homicidal, Yami whose name is Bakura. AU don't read if you like Barbie or Barney! My sad attempt at Humor sorta HotaruBakura Oneshot


**Obsession**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Sailor Moon, Yu-Gi-Oh, and um… nor do I own the definition that shall be used. Oh, I don't own Tenshi for he belongs to Spirit of the Dead.**

**Saturn's Spawn: **This is one of my sad attempts at humor! And, there is mention of MURDER! Well, Bakura murdering a goldfish that no one knows. Now, everyone's the same old destructive self, but the Senshi are just average everyday people. I'm not so sure about Tenshi, though. There is some Barbie and Barney bashing. On with the story!

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Word Entry: Obsession

**Function**: noun

**Definition**: (1) Compulsive preoccupation with a fixed idea or an unwanted feeling or emotion (2) A persistent or recurrent thought, image, or impulse that is unwanted and distressing (3) An irrational preoccupation (4) fixation, desire (5) A preoccupation with a feeling or idea; In psychology, an obsession is similar to a compulsion, an irrational motive for performing trivial or repetitive actions against your will (6) an unhealthy and compulsive preoccupation with something or someone

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To deal with obsession, you must first admit that you have a problem. I, Bakura, have an obsession. I am undeniably, undoubtedly, and unquestionably obsessed with… now, if you said, "Making the Pharaoh's life miserable," then you would be incorrect, although it would be something enjoyable to do, right?

Hm, where was I? Oh, yes… I am undeniably, undoubtedly, and unquestionably obsessed with a seventeen year-old young woman named Tomoe Hotaru.

Unbeknownst to everyone around me, this obsession has become the cause of my lack of concentration in destroying innocent lives, academics, and even to…

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"BAKURA!"

Before Bakura could comprehend what was happening, someone had pulled him to the side just before he walked into the street where speeding cars were rushing. The ancient tomb robber turned to find his friend, Tenshi, his obsession's brother, who also happened to be his friend for the past three years.

"What's wrong with you!" the violet eyed boy questioned as he continued ranting on about how his friend should be more careful and such. A dazed look appeared in the chocolate brown orbs of the ex-thief. Said ex-thief continued to blatantly ignore the teen.

It was then that the light signaling that it was safe for normal every-day pedestrians, such as Tenshi and Bakura, began to flash.

As they crossed the street, Bakura kept his hands behind his head while staring at the sky where the image of a certain violet eyed female appeared. However, when he finally returned to reality, the first thing he noticed was someone's hand waving in front of his face.

Immediately grabbing the wrist that was connected to the offending hand, Bakura growled and bit out a low, "what?"

"Just wanted to know if you were still alive and not some walking zombie," Tenshi replied as he removed his hand. While rubbing said wrist, Tenshi suddenly questioned, "You're NOT some walking zombie…are you?"

"He's not bothering you, is he?" a voice asked behind the two friends. Bakura immediately recognized the voice before turning around to find his obsession.

Hotaru stood there clad in the girl's uniform that belonged to Domino High. Evident to Bakura was her lack of fondness for the bright pink found in the uniform. Her distaste for the color was justified; after all, the uniform was pink, a loathsome evil color that was worn by an equally loathsome evil mistress, a.k.a. Barbie. (Sorry, don't like pink or Barbie)

After shaking his disturbing thought from the putrid color and the doll that wore said putrid color, the ancient ex-thief turned his attention back to Hotaru.

"Are you all right, Bakura?" Hotaru questioned with concern as they continued to walk towards the evil torture chamber that caused even Bakura to shudder at the mere thought of it, otherwise dubbed as…school.

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At the insistence of his hikari, Ryou, Bakura was enrolled in Domino High along with Hotaru and Tenshi Tomoe.

Oh, how he loathed that day for not only was he forced to learn something, the damnable teacher, who was really a demon in disguise (not really, but that's what the students thought), was cruel enough to seat Hotaru next to him. Moreover, just to make matters worse, these seats were permanent for the remainder of the year.

Paying attention just wasn't possible today for the ancient tomb robber. It became so difficult that he couldn't answer today's Math test, which included a review of factoring polynomials. Joy.

Prepared to tear several white locks from his head, Bakura turned his head to glare at the source of his problems, Hotaru, who was solving each problem without much trouble.

When had his thoughts become so wrapped around this girl that he could not concentrate on anything!

"Bakura, there wouldn't be any problem, would there?" the she-demon questioned when she looked up to find Bakura staring at Hotaru.

It was then that Hotaru turned to find the same thing. When a pink hue slightly stained her face, Hotaru immediately turned back to her test and finished the last problem.

At this, he smirked before responding, "No, Sensei."

Deciding that his future was pretty much set (destroy innocent lives, cause mass chaos, with the usual take over the world), Bakura established that one failure would not hinder his plans. After all, how was _Math_ going to aid him in his never-ending journey for world conquest?

Now, what was he thinking about before? Ah, now he remembered. It was the day he and Hotaru met.

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The day that Tenshi had invited him over to play some video games, was the first time Bakura had ever met Tenshi's sister. Now, why was Tenshi his friend? Oh, right, Tenshi made him feel like he wasn't the only psychologically unstable person/spirit/thing; not that he had any problems or anything._

_No, sir, he was very stable, especially since he was a five-thousand, seventeen-year-old ancient debauched spirit. Nope, he was just fine. Err…back to the story and away from Bakura's psychological state of mind. (_Even though that's kinda what this one-shot is about)

_He came up in front of a rather large house, which housed the twins, Michiru Kaioh, Haruka Ten'ou, and occasionally, Setsuna Meiou would visit._

_When he knocked on the mahogany door, it opened to reveal a pale figure clad in all black. "Are you a friend of Tenshi's?" She questioned._

_At his nod, Hotaru allowed Bakura entrance where he was led to the living room, "So, where is Tenshi?"_

_Hotaru looked up at the ceiling before responding, "Haruka-papa and Michiru-mama won't let him out until he cleans his room. It's safe to say that he won't be coming out any time soon."_

"_What a shame," Bakura responded as Hotaru sat down while turning on the TV. While channel surfing, the most horrible thing had appeared. It was so horrendous that it had scarred both Bakura and Hotaru. Both teens twitched slightly. _

_It was wrong… It was disgusting… It was downright scary (_although Bakura would never admit it_) It was… Barney…the Dinosaur…singing…_

_Immediately, the TV was turned off and they sat there in silence. Turning to the albino-haired teen, Hotaru questioned with a little bit of sarcasm that didn't seem characteristic of her, "not a Barney fan?"_

_Bakura responded, "It is supposed to be a very carnivorous reptilian of the Upper Cretaceous Period that is supposedly extinct, and yet, it sings about…nice…things. And what is your reason for being absolutely disgusted by the thought of a grown adult dressing up in a purple dinosaur suit and singing?"_

_To this, Hotaru shrugged, "Don't know. I just never liked him, although you gave me a valid reason not to like him."_

_After an awkward silence passed, both teens laughed._

_At that moment, a voice cried out, "HOTARU! Have you seen Bob Henry Jr.?"_

_In response, Hotaru answered, "No," before shaking her head. How could he lose a rock? Quite easily, apparently._

"_He lost his pet rock?" Bakura asked causing Hotaru to turn to face him. At her nod, he stated, "At least a rock won't die. My…brother's… goldfish died recently."_

"_Really? Um…Sorry?"_

"_At least someone is," Bakura replied as he tilted his head back to stare at the ceiling. Ah, Ryou had forbade him from torturing innocent lives, even though he still did it anyway, but he was not forbidden from killing that poor, innocent, defenseless, fishy! Really, it was an accident! He didn't mean to drop the fish bowl from the top of the roof with the fish in it and have it die a slow death due to lack of water! Really, he didn't! _

**Sir Swims-a-lot**, I knew thee well. _Well, not really, but if he had, he would've felt a little bit more guilty for killing Ryou's pet fish. Who was he kidding? He was glad to be rid of that meddlesome goldfish. It somehow distracted him from coming up with Take-over-the-world plans. It just floated there in that little bowl. _**Swimming**_…, _**swimming**_…, and _**swimming**

_Hotaru watched the grin form on Bakura's face and inched away from him ever so slowly. _**That poor fish**_, she thought._

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**_Despite their first meeting, Hotaru continued to hang out with Tenshi and Bakura until the point where she knew Bakura better than anyone did. That, in and of itself, scared the ancient thief. He never had someone close to him before. Tenshi was close, but somehow, Hotaru had become closer._

_Ryou had often suggested that he take her out on a _date_. When he argued that there was no point in doing such a teenage thing, Ryou responded with, "You are a teenager even though you're older than my grandmother." Bakura only responded by slamming the door that led to his evil lair, otherwise known as his room (_but don't let him know that that's what it's really called

_In the days that went by, Bakura found himself sporadically distancing himself from the violet-eyed girl or becoming really closer to her. It had come to the point where he was avoiding her all together._

_That didn't work because he was still friends with Tenshi._

_Ok, so avoiding Hotaru was not an option if he didn't want to lose the only person that made him feel like he wasn't the only psychologically unstable person/spirit/thing. Yes, he was referring to Tenshi, not Hotaru._

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What do you do when this obsession gets out of hand? You seek help, of course.

Now, what happens when you don't feel like paying some quack to help you with this problem? You seek the help of a quack that would do it for free, of course!

"So, as you can see, I can't seem to get her out of my mind." Bakura said while lying horizontally on an unmade bed which the owner felt to lazy to actually put back in order.

When he was finished his tale, Bakura rolled over onto his front to find Tenshi sitting on a chair while writing something down on his clipboard.

At the same time, Tenshi continued to nod incessantly while he doodled some stick figures with the occasional BOOM. Growling, Bakura took a conveniently placed pillow and threw it at the oblivious teen. This caused Tenshi to look up, "Sorry, err…what were we talking about?"

"Pay attention or I'll tell Hotaru how drool ended on her homework." Bakura threatened while throwing another conveniently placed pillow at Tenshi.

"Oh, right! Your obsession problem," Leaning back into the chair, Tenshi stared at the ceiling before questioning, "You don't stalk the girl, do you?"

"No." _I follow her without her knowing it._

"Do you have this shrine just for her hidden in your closet somewhere?"

"No." _It's somewhere underneath my bed._ An awkward silence soon followed as Bakura waited for the next question to suddenly be uttered.

He waited…

_And waited…_

_And waited…_

_And waited…_

_And waited…_

_And waited…_

It was then that Tenshi looked up, "hey, wait; we aren't talking about my sister, are we?"

With all of the innocence that he could muster, which wasn't really a lot, Bakura responded, "Why, of course not, Tenshi."

"Well then, why don't you just take Ryou's advice and ask her out?" Tenshi suggested while doodling again. When an answer did not come, Tenshi immediately turned his attention to Bakura, "You've never been out on a date, have you!"

Surprisingly enough, considering the majority of the female population of the school was after him, "And if I hadn't?"

Then Tenshi burst out laughing at the most sought after male in their school, and he's never been out on a date! "Bwahahahahahahahahah!" He remained that way until realization dawned on the spiky-haired teen. That, in and of itself, scared Bakura as he waited for Tenshi's answer, "I get now!" Oh, no, it's the Apocalypse! "The girl that you're obsessed with; she doesn't notice you, does she?"

Now that he thought of it, no, Hotaru was not one of those girls that threw herself at him. Maybe he had become so used to the attention that when someone different came along, he felt a little… put off.

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So that was why he was obsessed with Hotaru? He wanted her to notice him? Pathetic. Today was thankfully a Saturday and he was invited to spend the day with Hotaru and Tenshi. As he sat on the bench, he watched Hotaru swing while Tenshi… fell flat on his face. When some younger children came along, Hotaru removed herself and even volunteered to give a rather shy little girl a push.

To this, he smiled. Ok, obsession was a very bad thing, but he guess that everyone would be proud that his obsession did not bring any harm to any citizen's physical or mental state of mind. With that in mind, he concluded that his little secret obsession was all right.

When Hotaru looked up to smile and wave at him with her usual child-like innocence, he thought to himself, _Yes, everything's going to be ok_.

However, there was a simpler solution. Bakura looked up into the sky, "Did someone just speak?"

"I did," the narrator replied in a tone that Bakura knew left no room for contradiction.

Raising an eyebrow, Bakura questioned, "Well?"

"Well, what?" the Narrator asked in turn coyly.

"What was the simpler solution to my obsession?"

"Oh, that," the narrator who was nothing more than an ominous voice in the sky said, "You shouldn't have— AHHHHHH!"

Bakura stared at the sky only to hear loud crashing and what also sounded like two anime obsessed teen girls fighting. As soon as everything calmed down, another voice hissed, "You're not supposed to tell him, Shadow!"

"Why not?" Shadow questioned.

"Because, I'm the authoress of this story and I don't want you to do so!" Saturn's Spawn stated, "Now, let's go."

Sighing, Bakura turned his head to find Tenshi and Hotaru coming towards him with an ice cream cone accompanying the two siblings. "What are you doing?" Hotaru questioned as she continued walking towards him.

"What happens when you start hearing voices?"

It was then that Hotaru and Bakura looked expectantly at Tenshi who only took a step back, "What?"

What was the simpler solution that the ominous voice, who later turned out to be Shadow Saturn, was about to reveal? The world may never know.

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Suddenly, Tenshi appeared in front of the black screen, "I know the answer!"

Materializing beside him suddenly with a tired expression, Ryou stated, "Yes, after I told you… and the Senshi, and Yugi, and Yami, and Mai, Tea, Tristan, and Joey, after I told him …"

To this, Tenshi's ever so intelligent response was, "So!" Pouting while crossing his arms, he added, "It's not my fault that I'm a little…slow! Anyway, the answer to Bakura's obsession problem was…he shouldn't have read the dictionary that Ryou bought for him!"

Appearing on the other side of Tenshi, at the will of this insane authoress, Bakura then stated, "Yes, but I still would've been obsessed so that doesn't answer my problem, now does it?"

In response, Ryou responded, "Yes, but you wouldn't have known that you were obsessed in the first place and would've gone on with your life without worrying too much."

A contemplative expression appeared on Bakura's face as he stroked his chin with one hand while staring at the ground, muttering quietly to himself. Then, realization dawned on him as his head snapped up while cruel, insane eyes glared daggers at Ryou, "So, this whole mess can be blamed on you for buying me the damned dictionary!"

Ryou gulped and began to run away as Bakura chased him with a murderous gleam in his eyes, "Ryou! I'm going to castrate you!"

"Now, now, Bakura, isn't that a little too much?" Ryou questioned while promptly dodging the clutches of his mad, in more ways than one, yami.

With a huge sweatdrop on the back of his head, Tenshi watched the game of cat-trying-to-geld-poor-defenseless-mouse, before turning around, "Now, kids, what is the moral of this inane (which he learned the definition of after reading a dictionary) story?"

Many innocent eyes were on the Grim Reaper as he happily responded, "Never, EVER, read the dictionary if you're a demented, insane, and possibly homicidal, Yami whose name is Bakura."

With that being said, Tenshi immediately sat down with a bowl of perfectly popped popcorn that did not have a single burnt piece.

**Saturn's Spawn**: There you go, that was my sad attempt at humor. Why is it sad? I've never really gone for humor before, but had to try it out anyway.

Sorry for the OOCnes.


End file.
